TODAYS DATE AND TIME
Dear *:
In anticipation of the mediation which has been scheduled with me, I want to give you some basic information and suggestions about your mediation experience. People come to mediation for a variety of reasons and at different stages of their divorce process. We will discuss this at the beginning of our meeting.
People also come to mediation with a variety of feelings and emotions which may include uncertainty, anxiety, fear, anger, depression and frustration. Do not worry about that, it is very common. Your spouse may well have feelings much different than yours. That too is common. You don't both have to feel the same way about this divorce and what should happen.
I have been informed that your mediation may include a discussion about your parenting roles and responsibilities. No matter how differently each of you may think about your rights and role as a parent after this divorce, I'm guessing that there is at least one common goal that both of you share, that is, each of you wants what is best for your child or children. To better prepare you for a discussion about how you can meet that common goal I would like to make this suggestion. If you have access to a computer and the internet, I would like you to go to the free and confidential website, www.UpToParents.org. You will find at that site a list of 100 Commitments you can choose to protect your kid(s) at this critical time for them. You should each complete the website alone, and when you are finished you'll receive a list of Agreed Commitments you have both chosen.
The website also includes four powerful Exercises (A-D). Please give a lot of thought to them as well. One of you should go to the site first, sign in, and click on the "Invite Co-Parent" link that will appear. The other parent will then receive an email from the website with a link that he/she should use to sign in.
Please do not misunderstand this invitation. I am not suggesting anything about the parenting arrangement you would like to have, other than the belief that you both want to do what is best for your child(ren) and, to the extent possible, avoid doing them any unnecessary emotional harm. If you complete this exercise, please bring a copy of the completed work product to mediation.
Please also keep this in mind. The two of you co-created the type of relationship that developed through your courtship and marriage. The marriage may be over but since you now have a child or children, you are going to have to maintain some parenting relationship in the future and that relationship can be re-negotiated. How much of that needs to occur can also be discussed in mediation. This can include financial arrangements, assumption of debt and distribution of assets.
If your goal in mediation is going to be limited to reaching a consensual agreement that will permit the divorce to occur sooner rather than later and by a voluntary agreement rather than one imposed on you by the Judge, then I would like to you review the Process Anchors which I have enclosed. In your discussions with me, I am going to ask the two of you to honor those Process Anchors.
On the other hand, if one of your goals in mediation is to try and better understand your spouse's view of the problems and issues to be solved, then the mediation can be conducted in a different manner. We can talk about these choices at the start of the mediation.
Another choice that you may make includes my meeting with each of you separately, after we start the mediation. We can talk about that as well if you think that might help you in reaching your goals.
I look forward to meeting with you. Whether an agreement is reached or not is totally in the control of the two of you. I will do everything possible to create the best and most fertile opportunity for that to occur.
Cordially,
Brian Florence
BRF:jt
Enclosure